Addiction

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!
--Eagles

We all do things to try and alter our conscious awareness at times. Whether it be food, botanicals, or entheogens, humans have long been taking in substances (or engaging in behaviors) that change the chemicals in the brain to promote a sense of well being.  You may be doing it too, without realizing it.  For example, bread or other carbohydrates make us feel calm and stimulate serotonin levels, and you don't realize how much you "need" refined carbohydrates until you try to eliminate them completely from your diet. Most people who engage in behaviors that promote their sense of well being will continue to do so until it causes more pain than relief, or too many disadvantages to ignore any longer.  So ask yourself, is what you are doing working for you?
Maybe you do realize you are trying to alter your conscious awareness, and it's causing you some problems, but you don't know what to do about it. When the neruotransmitter dopamine gets a surge and the pleasure centers of the brain become accustomed to a certain substance or behavior, the ability to choose becomes compromised. Your brain will push you towards more of that substance to the point of feeling you need it to keep going, to keep living, to survive.  When a substance becomes one of the primary survival needs it is very difficult to reverse that process, because the brain itself becomes programed to protect itself from ever losing its source of pleasure and survival.
Contrary to what the popular Eagles lyrics suggest, there is hope. The human brain can cause a lot of problems, but the mind can overcome the brain if given the proper tools. Have you ever looked at a large dam?  At the bottom of every dam there is a little river of water.  The flow of that river of water increases or decreases depending on the pressure building up on the other side of the dam. More pressure, more water let out. It is the same things with our life. Willpower alone will probably not get you far in overcoming addition, but willpower combined with positive negative outlets such as therapy, group support, journal writing, writing your story, exercise, pursuit of hobbies and goals, and telling your story to family and friends, may help your brain little by little find other ways to cope with discomforts in life without the addictive substance.  The key is to find positive coping outlets, if you deal with negative experiences in life by numbing the pain instead of letting them out, your will become internally as toxic as the Dead Sea.  You need an outlet!  Negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences will continue to come, but there is much in life worth living for if you know how to let the negative out in a positive way.
It will take time and courage and vulnerability, and will not be easy, but if you "hold the vision and trust the process" your mind can help change your brain that has been trapped in the dopamine surge of addiction. Please seek help, talking to someone about it is a first great step.

"Whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve." --W. Clement Stone
"Where there's hope, there's life; it gives us fresh courage and makes us strong again." Anne Frank