Mental Filter

If you suffer from shyness, anxiety about going into something new, or fear of not knowing what you are doing, or have any social phobia of any kind, you may be buying into the cognitive distortion which is a sub type of All or Nothing thinking, the "Mental Filter."  Mental filtering is when we pay especial attention to our limitations and weaknesses or outright flaws, and filter out the positive qualities we have.  This makes us feel vulnerable and saps our confidence, and the thought of facing situations where we don't know what to expect will cause massive amounts of anxiety.

Do you ever tell yourself any of the following?

"I won't know what I'm doing."
"Everyone will think I'm weird or stupid."
"I can't do, that I already tried and couldn't do it."
"I made a mistake, I'm a loser."
"Everyone else seems to have it together, what's wrong with me?"
"That would be too [hard, humiliating, scary, embarrassing]"

Coupled with some other cognitive distortions, the Mental Filter is present in all of these statements.  Assuming that because you aren't the expert in a situation so you won't be able to handle it turns out to be self fulfilling prophecy; either you don't try so you never find out, or if you do try your hesitation and holding back will suggest to people that you truly can't handle it. Either way you get to avoid what you feel you can't do, and this only gives you another layer to add to the negative attributes list that you are holding in the mental filter sieve.

You owe it to yourself to stop filtering out all your positive qualities!  People are more than their negative attributes, much more. If your negative attributes count, so do your positive attributes.


It may take years to understand that you can be weak and its OK, but it will be revolutionary once you get it. It doesn't have to be one or the other, it can be both! Combat the mental filter with a combination of self defense and acceptance. Examples include:

Its true I'll never get everything done in a day that needs to be done. (acceptance)

I'll never be "good enough" but I am enough (acceptance and self defense)

I'm not able to completely control my emotions. (acceptance)

I'll make mistakes every day. (acceptance)

There will always be people who don't value me, judge me, and maybe even dislike me. (acceptance)

Some things are in my control, some are not, that is normal. (acceptance)

Some days I won't live up to my own standards and values. (acceptance)

I won't know all the answers. (acceptance)

I'll experience humiliation shame and fear. (acceptance)

I can accept these because it's OK, what we’re here for is to learn. (self defense)

Every day I can get up and try again. (self defense)

Every day I can be thankful for something. (self defense)

Every day I can step a little closer to my goals. (self defense)

I can endure, and save myself for days of happiness. (self defense)

I'm not an expert on everything but I have many strengths and talents. (acceptance and self defense)

I can use the strengths I have and apply them in situations I feel weak. (self defense)

I'll never give up holding to my standards and values. (self defense)

Where it truly matters to me, I excel. (self defense)

My favorite combination of acceptance and self defense sounds like this: "I'm weak and I'm strong. I'll never be 100% good or 100% bad. I'm capable and I'm limited, I fail and I succeed. There's no one like me out there so there's no one I'd rather be than me." 

These will help you will cure yourself of Mental Filter so you will be able to build the confidence you need to move in the direction you desire.